FAILURE

Failure: a medium-sized word with significant stature and the ability to strike fear into the hearts of many of our bravest, strongest and most successful.

As one who has experienced failure many times, I am fascinated by its power. Apparently, not just over me, but over many of the biggest names in the world. Most of us are scared to death of failure, living our lives and making life-altering decisions based on our fear of failure and our intense desire to avoid anything that remotely smells of failure.

Yet failure is the root of all success.

And that is what fascinates me most! I watch Donny Deutsch: The Big Idea www.bigideadonny.com on CNBC almost religiously, since I am constantly in search of inspiration for my own as-yet-to-be identified Big Idea. He recently did a series of shows on business failures and the leaders held responsible for those failures, and how they later succeeded in spite of them. We've all heard the stories about people who have tried and failed, then tried and failed again, only to ultimately emerge victorious. We've heard about baseball players who strike out three times in a game and then hit a home run that wins it.

What strikes me when I read or hear stories of triumph after failure is the wording frequently used: "... and he succeeded in spite of his mind-numbing failure!" When, in fact, it is always true that we succeed because of our failures! The very nature of a drug experiment, for example, requires hundreds of tests and failures before leading to a cure for disease. Best-selling author Brian Tracy says, "Failure is a prerequisite for great success. If you want to succeed faster, double your rate of failure."

Recently, my friend Carol www.northwestladybug.blogspot.com shared with me an article by Julie Wainwright, former CEO of Pets.com, the sort of Failure poster child for the dot-com era. Julie founded a new business and website, http://www.smartnow.com/, where she posted her article, Five Life-changing Mistakes and How I Moved On, at www.smartnow.com/page/5991. To say that I was moved by her article would be a gross understatement. She brought me to tears and inspired me at the same time. And my heart breaks for her - as it does for myself! and all of us who have experienced what we considered to be crushing failures - because each of us have experienced some of that pain and have somehow gotten beyond it. Some of us have risen to greater heights of success, some of us have simply endured, some of us have buried it deep in our histories, and some of us have used it as leverage, but while in the middle of it, we have rarely been able to see the forest for the trees and simply experience the frightening agony of walking through the deepest darkest woods alone.

And yet! If only we were able to take a step back from ourselves, our egos, during this trying time, and see what the Universe knows: that our life-altering failure is, at that moment, only a blip in time, and one that is absolutely necessary to achieving our ultimate destination: enlightened, fully-lived adulthood.

Even with that realization, I am myself a victim of this fact: failure breeds fear. Fear of trying, fear of failing, fear of succeeding(!), fear of not trying ... ! The list goes on. I have experienced failure all too often - and too recently - and am very nearly paralyzed by it. Even though, intellectually, I can take that mental step back and realize what is happening, I have been unable to emerge from it - to see the forest for the trees. Even though I know that nearly every failure I have experienced has resulted in a bigger - or entirely different - success, I have never developed a roadmap for getting there from here. It seems to have simply happened without my conscious effort, over time. And I just don't have the patience to wait!

So that will be my next post. I'll tell you about my (most recent!) failure and how I'm trying to get past it. And maybe you can help me out. Have you been stopped by failure? The fear of failure? The fear of success? Have you found a way to overcome it? What was your roadmap to success? Do you have a favorite "failure" quote? I'd love to hear from you. I have so much to learn!

- Grace

"What is there in a storm that moves me so? Why am I so much better and stronger and more certain of life when a storm is passing? I do not know, and yet I love a storm more, far more, than anything in nature." - Kahlil Gibran

Do I Stay or Do I Go?

I'm sitting in my home office, gazing out at the waters of Puget Sound. I live on the northern tip of Vashon Island and have never lived anywhere that is quite this beautiful. From here, I can see the shores of Kitsap Peninsula to my left, the Fauntleroy ferry landing far to my right, Blake Island just ahead, and the tip of Bainbridge Island just past that. And I can see all the way down the Strait of Juan de Fuca. On a clear day, I can see the snow-capped Olympic Mountains to the west, the Cascades to the east, and Mount Baker to the north - and it's so stunning I could weep.

The ferries are my comfort during a dark and stormy night. Their brightly lit interiors shine across the night, reminding me that all is well. And I watch them as they travel from Southworth to the North End and on to Fauntleroy while, further north, the Bainbridge Island ferry floats back and forth from Seattle.

In the spring, the sun begins warming our deck, and by the summer, we're living outside whenever we're home. We start seeing our neighbors outside on their decks as well, and we renew our summer friendships. It's only February now, and I can only dimly remember the warmth of that sun....

This morning, for the first time, I watched as five sea lions cavorted in front of our home. They each honked a boisterous laugh as they frolicked in the surf kicked up by the high winds, seeming to laugh with delight as they rolled and floated, dove and sprang up again out of the water. Other mornings, I have watched the family of otters that lives in our seawall, as they quietly, sleekly, gather their harvest and swim for home. Slappy, our favorite seal, comes by often to say hello, until our two too-friendly Goldens come out to greet him too and Slappy makes his rapid departure back into the deep!

We have watched eagles soar over the waters, silently scanning until they steeply dive and come up with their dinner. One early morning when the tide was out, I watched an adult eagle supervise from a distance as his young offspring learned to feed himself from the wealth of the tidepools. The herons will stand, one leg up, on the big rock just off our shore, quietly watching as the seagulls reel and twirl and cry overhead.

Just a few weeks ago, my husband saw a pod of whales - the J Pod we're told - proudly swim by, their stately fins held elegantly upright. I was happy for him to have seen them, but so disappointed that I couldn't have been there with him when he did!

We've watched sailing regattas with their gaily patterned sails at full mast float by with teams shouting and, on the Fourth of July, the Vashon Island hydroplane races (usually no more than three or four boats - this year there was only one that made it all the way around the island!). In the summer, our friends come by on their boats, shouting and waving and beckoning us to come play. On slower days, island friends float by in their kayaks or dinghies with a friendly wave, and we'll invite them up for cocktails.

I love this island. I love living here. But I hate that my daily commute to Seattle is restricted by limited ferry service, and once I get home to the island, it takes an act of God to get me to leave it! And I hate that my high mortgage payment means I lack the freedom to work in a less stressful, lower paying career. And that my career means I have to spend more time off this island than on it!

So do I stay or do I go? It is lovely here, and safe. My husband works on one side of the Sound, and I work on the other. At the time, this seemed like a perfect place in the middle for both of us. But the commute and the mortgage payment have combined to become a burden. We think of downsizing and living in a smaller house or condo - and do we really need to live on the water? Wouldn't it be just as nice if we only had some sort of view and a lower - or nonexistent! - mortgage payment?

So we keep looking at alternatives, but they're never quite right, and the price is too high when we consider what we'd have to pay now to have half the home we have now! And those homes seem small and dark, compared to the light, bright wide-open space that this home has. But every month, after sitting in ferry line after ferry line, when I write out that mortgage check while gritting my teeth, I ask myself if it's worth it...

And then this morning, the sea lions came by and called to us for the first time. My husband and I watched, our arms around each other as we drank our morning coffee. And we wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Ode to Levis
I remember when I bought my first pair of 501s back in the 70s. I was a sophomore in high school and only recently hip to the idea of cool. I had led a very sheltered, rural life. But somehow, sometime that year, I decided there would be nothing more cool than owning a pair of authentic sailor jeans (the more shredded the better) and an authentic pair of 501s. First, let me tell you that I was sadly misguided in the whole sailor jean thing. I begged my uncle, a former sailor, to let me have his Navy jeans, and the only ones he had were holey and stained with oil, but I wore them anyway. I really thought I looked good. I just looked homeless. Definitely not the look I was going for.
But those 501s - well, I didn't exactly look cool. I hadn't worked out all the hair and makeup stuff yet, and I still had braces. But I FELT cool. And that was just the beginning of my love affair with jeans.
Later, in the 80s, it was all about the Brittanias. The tighter the better, and mine were T-I-G-H-T!! I recall having to lie down on the bed, suck it in, hold my breath and shred the skin on my fingers in order to get those zippers up. But DAMN I looked hot! Of course, we didn't call it that then.
Oh, and what about those skinny, ankle-length, ankle-zipper Guess jeans? Once again, I thought I looked really good, but now I look at those pictures, and I really just look - well - hippy. And I don't mean in a Love Child sort of way. I mean in a gee-your-hips-look-wide-in-those-skinny-leg-pants way.
Then I found Gap jeans, and in the 90s, those became sort of a staple for me. It's possible that, somewhere along the way, I became a Mom jeans victim - and I'm not even a mom - but I prefer to think that I didn't. Well, except that for a while there, I was wearing those bleached-denim, stovepipe, sort-of-high-waisted jeans - but didn't everybody? Thankfully, though, Gap jeans saved me.
But now? Now I've come full circle. While trying on and buying nearly every conceivable brand of jeans available - from high-end to low-end, from $20 to $420, from dark wash to faded, from designer label to store brand, from straight-leg to boot cut, and from trouser to flare leg, the jeans I absolutely LIVE in - and that look the best and feel the best - are my Levis! I now own 4 pair: 2 pairs of 545s, 1 pair of 534s and 1 pair of whatever-the-number is on my trouser cut jeans. They're all lined up in my closet, right next to the Sevens and the Michael Kors and the Paiges, but I never wear those. Now if I could just find a pair of these 534s in white - and Long - I'd be in HEAVEN!!!! Robert Cameron (VP of Marketing at Levis), are you listening?!
So last night I was rifling through the channels (cuz Lord knows there is NO GOOD TV on right now!) and I happened upon a CNBC special on Levis, and it talked about the history of the brand. And it came to me: Me and Levis: we've both come full circle!

Bosses are Like Dogs...

Bosses are like dogs. There are hundreds of breeds of bosses who come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They can be male or female, have short hair or long hair, some shed and some don't, some bark and some whine, some have behavioral disorders, and they all like to be petted, but not all of them are housebroken. Some chase their tails round-and-round in manic circles, others are rigidly disciplined and well trained, some leave a big dump on your desk and others like to leave little sprinkles. Some chew up your stuff and leave it lying in ruined heaps of masticated pulp, and others steal your stuff and - the next thing you know - they're holding it down with one paw like it was theirs to begin with.

You have your alpha boss and your underdog boss. Some bosses like to let you know they're the boss right off the bat. No messin' around, they're aggressive and loud, they interrupt you when you're talking, they show up late without apology, they tell you they think you stink, they yell at you in front of other people, and they're - well - bossy.

Like my dog Sundance. He's a big, beautiful Golden Retriever who probably wasn't socialized enough as a pup, and when we take him for a walk and he sees another dog, he likes to let that other dog know right away who's boss. He strains against the leash, his tail goes straight up, he barks a lot of big, nasty loud barks, and then he tries to charge at the other dog. When things settle down a little, he sniffs the other dog's butt to see if it's got the right stuff and, if it does, he humps it.

Other bosses like to let you think you're the boss, and then they step in at the last minute and take charge. Like my other Golden, Cody. When Sundance wants to play, he's friendly and happy and jumps around and rolls on the floor in front of Cody to convince her that - really - she can trust him to play nice, and he promises he won't jump on her or hump her or otherwise publicly disgrace her (sounds like that other kind of boss again). But then, finally, Sundance can't help himself and he does jump and hump and embarrass her, and Cody has to let him know that - BARK! - he's had his fun, she's really in charge, he's annoying, and he'd better get himself together before she's forced to take control again.

Interviewing with a potential new boss is like adopting a new puppy. Whether you're at the shelter or in the park, at the puppy store or looking into a cardboard box in front of the supermarket, you're trying to pick the pup that best matches your fantasy of the perfect, unconditionally loving companion; but just like a prospective new boss, that pup really just wants to sniff your butt to see if you've got the right humpable stuff.

And don't even get me started on the hound dog boss or the bitch in heat.

I'm a boss. I like to think I'm the lead bitch. You know, like on a team of sled dogs. I like to think that I lead by example, pull my own weight, help others pull theirs, and that my team trusts me to steadily guide them to victory through the snowstorm in a long, fast race of speed and endurance. Ruff!

I've had bosses that I learned from because they did the right things that were good for their people and good for their business. I've had bosses I learned from because they did the wrong things and I saw what it did to their people and their business. I've seen a junkyard dog turn into a sweet, loving, obedient pet. But I've never seen a bad boss turn into a good one (except Ebenezer Scrooge - and c'mon - it was still all about him! And he didn't even have a dog!)

So what's your boss dog story? Or are you the boss? Or if you can't stand another dog analogy, just tell me a story about your best boss - or your worst boss. Send stories, pictures, drawings, video, whatever - and maybe I'll write a Boss Book. Or a Dog Digest. Or a Dog Boss Dibook.

Thanks.
- Lead Bitch Boss
(aka Grace)

Who is this Guy Anyway?!

Really, this guy is getting on my nerves. Adam Glassman is O Magazine's creative director, and has established himself as the guy who should be telling we women what we should and should not be caught dead wearing. When it comes to figure-flattering clothing selections, he knows what he's talking about. But when it comes to deciding which of a female's anatomical parts are particularly offensive and inappropriate for public viewing after a certain age, who is he to decide?!
Now, as you know, I'm a huge fan of Oprah and her magazine. I have been a subscriber since the very first issue and avidly read the magazine cover-to-cover every month. Sometimes I disagree with viewpoints posed in some of the articles, but I find myself agreeing more often than not - and am nearly always enlightened and informed.
But Glassman - he's starting to piss me off! Last month, Glassman said women of a certain age shouldn't bare their arms. This month, he says, "Shorts on adult women in general are ghastly". So, according to Glassman, we should apparently be covered head-to-toe, regardless of the weather and/or activity in which we're engaged. Will a burkha be next?!
Look: I am a woman of that certain age. I like to go sleeveless when weather permits (or I'm just too darn hot to do anything else!). And trust me when I say my arms are not of the sculpted variety. I like to wear skirts without stockings. I like to wear shorts with flip-flops. My legs are strong, but they certainly don't belong to a 30-year-old! I am not a slob, but I do like to be comfortable. Fashionable even.
So lay off, Adam. If you don't like the sight of bare arms or legs on a woman of a certain age, turn your head. There are plenty of men who do like it. And more importantly: I like it!
- Grace

Radio for Women!

I had never heard of Greenstone Media, but got a call when they wanted to interview me regarding the industry I'm in.
Turns out, GreenStone Media™ puts a whole new face on talk programming on-air, online, and nationwide - especially for women! Starting with a superstar roster of talent, managers, and stakeholders who came together, drawn by word-of-mouth, they created a growing number of interactive programs on more and more terrestrial radio stations and developed a growing online community. (Among the luminaries: Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. Magazine, actor Jane Fonda, FCC commissioner Susan Ness, and broadcast visionary Edie Hilliard, to name just a few.) http://www.greenstonemedia.com/.
Anyway, I was thrilled! Lucky me, I would be on the show with Lisa Birnbach, http://greenstonemedia.com/lisabirnbach.php, Queen of the Airwaves and recent winner of - not one, but two! - Gracie Awards.
I was pretty nervous, since I had never done a radio interview before (only a little television news and print media), but Lisa was gracious and professional and guided our on-air discussion perfectly. I had prepared the message that I wanted to send - part of which had to do with the ever-increasing number of women in this particular industry - and hoped I was prepared for all the things she might want to talk about. I was on the air with Lisa for all of ten minutes - that felt like 10 seconds - and before I knew it, it was over, and she was inviting me back to the show!
Anyway, check out Lisa's show - and the Radio Ritas (love them!) - you are gonna love it!
- Grace

Mary Lou Quinlan - My Hero(ine)!

Speaking of magazines (as I did in my last post), one of my favorite columnists - and entrepreneurial businesswomen - is Mary Lou Quinlan. I love her monthly column in More Magazine. In the July/August 2007 edition, she posed the following: "At last you've achieved a long-dreamed-of career goal. Are you happy yet? Is your dream job everything you hoped it would be, or was the journey more fun than the reward? Now that you're playing for bigger stakes, what's your idea of winning? Write to marylou@justaskawoman.com."
So I did. This is what I said:

"Is that all there is?", to quote the song, would sum up how I felt about finally achieving my career goal: vice president of marketing for a large New York entertainment agency. See, I'm a gal without a college education whose first real job (not counting my brief stint selling chicken for The Colonel) was as a receptionist for a small real estate company near San Diego. So it was no small feat that I managed to go from there to, eventually, a position as a licensing executive at the Walt Disney Company in Burbank, and then on to this glamorous life in New York.
I flew first class, stayed at the finest hotels and dined at the finest restaurants, traveled to Europe, wore designer clothes, regularly met and mingled with celebrities, used a limo service to get almost anywhere - and (poor me!) I was tired all the time, stressed out every minute, paid way too much rent, and constantly fantasized about getting out of the big city and back to a simpler, less stressful life.
And I eventually did that. I left New York, moved back to my home town near Seattle, Washington, and thought I'd try my hand at something else. I told myself I didn't need to make much money, that it didn't really matter what I did - just that I enjoyed my work and still had time for a life.
But here's the catch: apparently I'm not happy unless I'm the boss. I don't like the additional stress and responsibility of being the boss, but - never having been much good at following - I apparently must lead.
So now I co-lead a $17 million dot-com company in Seattle, I ferry to and from my waterfront home on Vashon Island while complaining about the commute, and I constantly fantasize about having time - time to spend with my husband, family and friends, to putter around the house and in the garden, and to sing.
Hunh. Apparently, my career goal now is to not have a career at all....?!!"

And guess what?! Mary Lou Quinlan. . . my hero . . . WROTE BACK! . . . Here's what she said:
"Grace ...loved your answer. And hearing about your current job, I know that many women would say, "If only..." without realizing the price of such pressure. Will get back to you if the editors decide to go with a column on this subject...thanks and good luck on the never-ending journey of work/life/oh yes and sleep! my best, Mary Lou"

I'll let you know if I hear from her again.